Praise be to Allah who legislated marriage for sublime objectives and for noble ends and wisdoms. I praise Him for His Plentiful Favors and Bounties. May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, his Companions, the Followers, and those who follow them righteously and all those who follow his Shari`ah.
In the previous lesson, we started to talk about one of the greatest rights, which are marital rights. We knew that there are mutual rights between the spouses and special rights for each one of them. We have mentioned some of these mutual rights and mentioned in detail the most important of them which is the kind treatment.
In this lesson, we shall continue talking about the rest of these mutual rights and about the special rights.
Of these mutual rights: The right of enjoyment and its subsequent actions such as adornment, applying perfume, removing stinky odors, taking much care of clothes and decoration. What is permissible for both spouses is to pay attention to that because it draws near a woman to her husband and draws near a husband to his wife. There is another benefit which is protecting each one of them against looking at the things which Allah prohibited, in addition to lowering the gaze from things which are impermissible. Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: "I love to adorn to my wife as I like that she adorns for me."
Of these mutual rights: Maintaining the marital secrets. It is well-known that houses are not free of problems and things that disturb the family relationship; the life of a human being is full of that. Allah (may He be Exalted) says: "Verily, We have created man in toil." (1) [Surat Al Balad: 4].
Seldom you find a wife or a marital life free of problems and free of all things that disturb the family life. Every relationship in life is full of problems, but the nature of the Muslim relationship with others, especially the spouses, is to keep secrets, conceal defaults, and solve problems by the will of Allah; and when a problem takes place, the spouses haste to solve it and not to spread it even among their children.
Wise spouses are those who cooperate to discuss the disagreements that erupt in between, solving these problems, understand one another in marital matters, and cooperate to conceal these secrets and matters. The spread of these disagreements and secrets has a negative effect on the spouses as well as the children, where it affects the formation of their personalities and makes them do not trust their parents, do not listen to their speech, and do not respect their behaviors. Accordingly, it is not permissible to show these behaviors and problems. So, keeping them in a tight area brings happiness to the house and safeguarding it against deviation and evil, as it maintains its stability and comfort by the will of Allah (may He be Exalted).
Imam Muslim (may Allah show mercy to him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "The most wicked among the people in the eye of Allah on the Day of judgment is the men who goes to his wife and she comes to him, and then he divulges her secret." It is not right that both spouses or one of them deliberately show the marital disagreements before children, where they raise their voices and exchange accusations before their children. Those parents do not know that this matter is one of the hardest things on children where it cancels their personalities, problems arise with them, and they lose the feeling toward their parents. Moreover, parents shall be a bad example for them, which will make the children hate them and do not listen to their guidance and advices. The matter becomes dangerous if both spouses or one of them starts to talk to colleagues, friends, and relatives to show the defaults of the other and the bad attitudes and negatives which were done to him or her. Then, their disagreements appear and the people who dedicate themselves to corrupt among the people will be happy with that. Accordingly, you shall see that disputes take another direction and realities are distorted then it comes the role of divorce and separation between the spouses or at least mutual hatred, which is sufficient to create a psychological disturbance, will affect the children.
Dear Muslim brother, let us repeat this again: From the joint rights is to keep the secrets of the house, respect them, and not to inform those who are not concerned so that homes remain respectful, families are protected, and Satan is away of them and cannot sneak to corrupt them.
Of these mutual rights: Exchanging advices about all things that contain good and happiness in this world and in the Hereafter because Islam has showed good, right, and virtue. Islam is a religion that exhorts its people to be happy in regard of their religion, world, and Hereafter. A religion urges to cooperation for goodness and piety. Furthermore, it is a religion that guides its people to enjoy absolute freedom which Allah (Glorified and Exalted be He) made for them; it is the religion of Islam. This is the merit of a Muslim who loves for his Muslim brother what he loves for himself; so how will it be if the other is a husband or wife? The relationship must be based on love and intimacy which generate the love of advice for righteousness, goodness, and guidance to good things. Of the types of cooperation on that is: Cooperation for obeying Allah and for things that draw near to Him. Imam Ahmad and Abu Dawud reported with a good chain of narration that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "May Allah have mercy on a man who gets up at night to offer Salah and awakens his wife; if she refuses, he should sprinkle water on her face. May Allah have mercy on a woman who gets up at night to offer Salah, and awakens her husband; if he refuses, she would sprinkle water on his face."
This is a type of exchanging advices and cooperation which causes the house to live in eternal happiness, comfort, and receive the great reward from Allah (may He be Exalted).
Of the types of exchanging advices also: Cooperation between them to raise children and rear them in a good way because they are the model example to the family members. Therefore, children should not hear from them but good speech, should see from them pious actions, and should see good conduct. Of the types of cooperation and exchanging advices: Encouraging each other to actions that contain good and guidance, the encouragement of a wife to her husband to be kind to his parents, fulfilling their rights, not to be ungrateful to them, taking care of their affairs, checking their conditions, paying more attention to them, dealing with them without negligence, meeting their needs, maintaining the ties of kinship, and urging him to do that. Likewise, encouraging the husband to do his role in life and job, and preparing the ways and means to make him successful in his work and job because his success in that is a success for her too as well as a good reward for her in this world and in the Hereafter and a benefit for their children.
Of the types of exchanging advices and cooperation between them is: A husband's guidance to his wife to do all pious actions, not to object to her desires as long as these desires do not contradict the Shari`ah, and encourage her to maintain a good relationship with her parents and relatives.
Those were some types of showing the necessity for exchanging advices and cooperation and to show that the house which contains such atmosphere is happy by the will of Allah (may He be Exalted) in the world as well as in the Hereafter.
Dear valued Muslim brother, verily, the righteousness of the family is the way of spreading security in the society and it is difficult to reform a society in which the conditions of a family are weak. When Satan succeeds to disconnect the family ties, it does not demolish one house and does not cause a limited evil but it causes the entire community to fall into harm and evil.
Therefore, O people pay more attention to apply the Shari`ah of Allah and follow the guidance of the Messenger (peace be upon him) because that is the way to the coherence of the family and its power, and close all outlets of Satan so that you may succeed in your world your and in the Hereafter.
I ask Allah (may He be Exalted) to protect us against the devils of humans and Jinn, to help us fulfill our duties, to forgive our sins, and the sins of our parents and teachers, and to reform the Muslim rulers and guide them to pious actions for He is All-Hearing, All-Responding and He is the One whose aid is to be implored. We shall continue our talks in the next lesson in sha' Allah.